Sunday, January 22, 2012
Land of the Free and the Home of the Taxed
The other day I was at my local coffee shop, and in walked this Liberty Tax guy. Hey, even the statue of liberty needs a coffee break every now and then. You know me, I jumped out of my seat, grabbed my cell phone, and asked him if I could take a picture right by the pastry counter. He was happy to oblige. I'm sure he got cranked up on his caffeine and went right back to his favorite traffic corner and danced the afternoon away drawing in customers like no body's business.
Now there's a little known fact about me that I'm willing to share with all of you loyal readers. I have a mascot fetish. There's just somethin' about getting dressed up like a giant orange, or a slice of pizza or a big ass rooster that would thrill me to no end!!!!! I think it's the fact that I would be anonymous in that suit and I could do whatever the hell I wanted. So, when those liberty tax folks started making their appearance on the sides of the road, I thought how awesome that would be to get in that costume and just dance all day.
I told my friend Grayson how cool I thought that would be, and she said I wouldn't even last a day. That sounded like a dare to me. She even sweetened the deal by saying she would gather up some of my friends and do many drive bys to keep my energy level up. You got it folks!!!! I picked up the phone and called a local branch of Liberty Tax and asked if they were still hiring for the mascot.
The lady on the phone was friendly enough. She said she would ask, and I heard her yell back to a coworker, "Hey are we still hiring for the laborer position"? Uh, excuse me, but WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY LADY????????????????? Did you just call your mascot a LABORER?????? I was so offended that I hung up on her. I mean seriously folks. I have a Bachelor of Science degree, and a Law degree, and I was willing to dress up like the Statue of Liberty to get my rocks off, but how DARE you call me a LABORER!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I really don't know what I expected. I certainly didn't expect full medical, dental, 6 weeks paid vacation, or even anything other than mere minimum wage. However, I did hope for a little respect. I mean I did actually WANT to dress up like the Statue of Liberty, I WANTED to make a complete ass out of myself on the side of the road, I WANTED to showcase my dance moves and act like a complete lunatic during working hours, and I WANTED to get my jollies by doing so. You just don't need to be calling me a laborer you bitch. How about crazy domestic goddess with weird mascot fetish? Or even wacko lady who obviously needs mental help? Either of those names would have been better than the label she put on me.
I guess I'll just have to wait for another mascot opportunity to arise. Perhaps McDonalds feels as if the Hamburglar is higher up the food chain than a mere laborer.