Monday, January 9, 2012

It's a CRAPTACULAR Day

The Saturday after New Year's has been my traditional Christmas Crap party for many years. So this past Saturday, 30 girl friends gathered at my house to drink Debosas and laugh our asses off as we unveiled and exchanged our crappiest, trashiest, shittiest gifts that we received this year. You would not believe the CRAP people get for Christmas!!!!!!

You know, I thought I was the only person on earth who received utter shit for Christmas, mostly ugly Christmas sweaters and lesbian wear from my mother. Then one day I was talking to friends, and they said they received tacky gifts too. So, my idea was born!!!!! Let's get together and exchange this crap and have fun laughing about it.

The picture above shows some of this year's coveted items. We had some delicious white zinfandel and other rot gut wine, a hand painted tray, monogrammed "U" napkins that were given to a lady whose last name starts with an "N", something to help cure smelly feet, a snoring Santa, a Santa in a skirt, a fan, a drawer organizer and a hideous picture frame. You can also see the red Christmas sweater that was actually recrapped from several crap parties ago. And yes, I DID receive that as a gift from my mother. Very nice, huh????????

By far, the craptacular award this year goes to my friend Grayson, who received a present from a guy at a gift exchange. The guy called the gift "date night". It included a can of Schlitz malt liquor, Flirtini wine spritzers and a bag of beef jerkey. Grayson said she guesses the beef jerkey was redneck fillet. For good measure Grayson threw in a half empty bottle of chocolate wine. Whew, the poor girl who opened that gift got the crap of her life!!!!!

Now we also have mascots at my crap party. On the left is a Sugar Loaf Kostume Kid that my friend Vanessa's daughter won out of a claw machine several years ago. The poor child was so traumatized by that THANG (1/2 monkey, 1/2 human) that we decided to use it as our official crap mascot. That is until 2 years ago when my friend Jenny upped the bar and brought the CREME OF THE CRAP. We named her Velour and she is on the right. A 70 year old woman went to classes and made this doll for Jenny. It is anatomically correct as you can see, complete with boobs, pubic and underarm hair. My friend Dirty DI-AAAA-NA! was nice enough to remove her underarm hair last year to give her more sex appeal.

The party is truly a hoot and this year the brunch lasted a full 11 hours for those who were brave enough to hang in there for the after party. For anyone who leaves early or is a no-show, it's just not
safe. After most people leave, the after party folks gather all the crappiest gifts and split them up into several bags. We get a designated driver (usually one of our husbands) and we drop off the shit at their house. That's called "getting crapped". It's all in good fun. This year we got caught crapping a no show, and she was a good sport about the whole deal.

As for me, I'm still trying to recover from having to wear yet another hideous Christmas sweater my Mom bought me, and I keep finding all kinds of crap hidden in my house that my friends left me as special surprises. That chocolate wine is freakin' nasty!!!!!!

4 comments:

  1. bwhahaha, sounds like an awesome idea. I was jokingly in the market for a hideous christmas sweater this year, those things are kinda hard to find!

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