Thursday, January 19, 2012

Chicken of the Sea

There's Captain Francesco Schettino, of the sunken cruise ship Costa Concordia, who is now being dubbed the most hated man in Italy. Some people are calling him Captain Coward, or my favorite, Chicken of the Sea, for saving his own ass, while risking the lives of others. As the Tuna Helpers say, "certainly a chicken wasn't meant to rule the sea". Over 4,200 people's lives were at stake while the cruise liner was going down, 11 people are confirmed dead, 21 people are still missing, but the best excuse chicken shit Captain Schettino could come up with was that he tripped and fell from the sinking ship into the life boat. Perhaps he should have been wearing one of those emergency necklaces that say, "HELP, I've fallen and I can't get up".

Obviously the loser never read the classic 1897 novel Captains Courageous or saw any of the spin off movies, and clearly he took no lessons from Captain Edward Smith who went down with the Titanic. Even when the Coast Guard demands that he climb the pilot ladder, get back on board, and help the people that are still on the sinking ship, he refuses, saying it is too dark and he is staying in the rescue boat. You know where this is going don't ya folks? He needs the clapper light. Clap on, clap off. If he had some light, things may have turned out differently. Uh yeah, I doubt it. A coward is a coward, and unless he got some courage from the Wizard of Oz his sweet ass was stayin' in the rescue boat.

Seriously, there is just no excuse for this guy. He admittedly caused the accident by steering too close to shore so he could salute a retired captain. I'm thinkin' there's about 4,200 people and their families who want to give ol' Captain Coward a different kind of salute right about now.

 Here's an Italian citizen wearing a t-shirt that translates to "Go on board, damn it!". I think that pretty much sums it up for Francesco. It's going to be interesting to see whether Chicken of the Sea actually goes to trial for manslaughter, or whether the citizens of Italy will do the ol' Italian job on him first. His fate may have been better goin' down with the ship 'cause I've seen some movies, and I don't want no Italian mafia types comin' after me fo' sho!!!! Captain Coward might be shark bait real damn soon.

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