Sunday, December 18, 2011

Whoopi Cushion

I LOVE me a girl who is a straight shooter, 'cause I fancy myself as one!!! Whoopi Goldberg let one rip on her show The View the other day and made no attempt to hide it. I mean really how could you cover up that bull horn. Instead of sitting there in misery she just lets 'er fly baby. RIIIIIIIIIPPPPPP!!!!!!! She does apologize to her co-host Joy and her guest Clair Danes by saying, "Excuse me, I think I just blew a little frog outta there". Apparently farting on live TV is nothing new for Whoopi. Back in May, she admitted to Dr. Oz during an interview that she farts on her show all the time. Love that honesty!!!

Farting has no boundaries and is notoriously funny for all ages. Does anything really give you the giggles more as a kid than when the gas man comes a callin'? Living in a house with all boys, it's fart heaven!! My boys think the dutch oven is the freakin' bomb and receive much pleasure out of doing that to each other.

Then you graduate to the walking farts, you know the kind that pop with every step you take. And ya gotta love the trailers. Those farts that leave the trail of smell behind you long after you have walked away. I have no problem talking about farts because I grew up with the King of Farts!!! My Dad is the Master. He lets 'em rip in public and makes no apology, and let me tell ya, the volume is definitely something he should hold a Guinness Book of World Records for.

One time when my son Conner was about 5 years old we were eating in a restaurant and my Dad blew a massive bottle rocket out of his ass. Everyone turned around to stare, and Conner so innocently and sweetly said, "I'm sorry but my Grandpa has gas". Everyone busted out laughing while I wanted the floor to open up so I could fall through and disappear. 

I guess Whoopi has the same philosophy as my Dad who always says, "God damn it Deb, why should I sit here and suffer gas pains when I can share the suffering with the whole f!@#ing world?" That's fine and dandy until you no longer blow just air and you squeeze out the dreaded shart. Then my friends you are in serious trouble!!!!!