Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Signed, Sealed, Delivered, It's Yours

Yep, I'm talking about the dreaded Christmas letter. Who really enjoys receiving and reading other people's fabulous news from the past year? You know if I haven't seen you, spoken with you, facebooked you, texted you, emailed you, or IM'd you in the past five years then I'll cut you some slack and agree that maybe a Christmas letter is in order. But really, no one wants to hear that your family went to Australia for 2 glorious weeks while most people are struggling to make ends meet, or that your kid got accepted to that Ivy League college while the majority of folks are fist pumping each other 'cause their child got accepted to a state school.

Every single year we receive the Christmas letter from hell. My husband and I used to roll our eyes when it arrived, but now it has become the big joke in our family and we laugh our asses off. It is written by a couple of British descent, so we make tea and scones and I read it in my best British accent to the whole family. Last year the letter was 3 pages long. Yes, you read that correctly. Three entire pages detailing everything from the children's music lessons, sports, clubs, the appendectomy and the wonderful effects of morphine, and one child's walk on the wild side and unfortunate stint in reform school. Of course nothing beats the entire paragraph devoted to the pet snake.

This year the letter was only 1 page, and you will all be glad to know the wild child "has taken a turn for the better" and doing great at school. Unfortunately, the pet snake has met his demise. Since I didn't send Christmas cards this year, I'm thinking I owe everyone a Christmas letter next year. I can fill everyone in about my family's bout with diarrhea after eating some tainted seafood, my 11 year old's horrendous body odor, and my husband getting his belly roll sucked into the new fat freezing machine at his office. Now that's some real life shit everybody is gonna wanna read fur sure!!!!!!!

P.S. Wilmington friends- please vote for my blog in the Encore "Best Of" edition at www.encorepub.com  Thanks for your support!!!!