Thursday, December 8, 2011

The Nookie Cookie

It's that time of the year again. This Saturday morning is Dirty DI-AAAA-NA!'s annual cookie exchange. Believe me folks, this ain't no ordinary cookie exchange. It is a highly coveted event that only 25 lucky ladies get invited to every year. I had been lobbying for an invite for many years, and finally made it on the "A list" a couple of years ago because I knocked someone off. May she rest in peace.

Dirty DI-AAAA-NA! is absolutely the most creative person I know. The first year I was invited, the invitation came in a Chinese take out box and the theme for that year was Chinese fortunes. You needed to bring your cookies and a fortune. I showed up and Dirty DI-AAAA-NA! had a damn pagoda erected around the entry way to her house. The liquor was flowing and the gourmet food was to die for. When it came time for all of us ladies to say our fortunes one by one I was feeling a bit embarrassed since I was the newbie in the crowd. However, I am quite competitive and I had my eye on that prize!! Some of the fortunes were really cute, some were sentimental, and some were holiday related.

But I know that sex sells!!!!!! Just ask Larry Flynt and Hugh Hefner. So when it was my turn I told this fortune, "Man who doesn't eat cookie, probably does same while making whoopie". Everyone voted on the best fortune and I came out the big WINNAH!!!!

The next year was a Barbie theme. Dirty Di-AAAA-NA! had a freakin' mannequin on her upstairs balcony, food that would make Paula Dean jealous, and of course amazing cocktails. Since I scored so well with my sex theme the previous year, I thought I would keep it going. I borrowed a Barbie from my friend Vanessa, and as luck would have it, she was dressed in a pretty red velvet Christmas dress. PERFECT!!!! I named her Christmas Barbie, discreetly taped a cookie to her crotch (since Barbies don't wear panties) lifted her dress, opened her legs, and said she was spreading the Christmas joy with her nookie cookie. You guessed it- another WINNAH!!!!

This year the theme is pajamas. It might surprise you but I'm doing a complete 180 and staying under the radar this year. The PJ's I bought for the event are completely fuddy duddy. I figured I had my time in the spot light. This sex kitten is retired (well maybe just on sabbatical for a year).