Friday, December 16, 2011

The Lonesome Loser

"Have you heard about the lonesome loser? She's a loser but she still keeps on trying" . I sort of felt like that Little River Band song was written for me last night.

Back in the summer, I saw that Kenny G was coming to Durham to play a holiday concert. I first asked my husband to go, who is a serious hard rocker. He said he would rather poke a stick in his eye. I guess that meant Hell No, I Won't Go. Undeterred, I sent out a mass email to all my concert going friends thinking we could make a nice girls' trip, stay overnight, shop etc. Here are some of the responses I got back: "Not a fan; Uh, I THINK I'm doing something that night; that is the music I used to play to put the kids to sleep when I was a preschool teacher". And my all time favorite- "Is he still alive???????"

Now I had a decision to make. Do I throw in the towel and be pissed off that I'm not going to be able to knock this item off my bucket list (yes seeing Kenny G was on my bucket list), or do I put my big girl thong on, suck it up and go solo. You guessed it!!!! And you would not believe the amazing seat you can get when you are only buying one ticket. Front and center 6 rows back!!!! 

All my friends were making fun of me before the show because I said I was going to throw a leopard print thong onstage. They said Kenny G was more used to Spanx being thrown at him. My guy friends said they thought he would rather like a pair of my husband's mankinis. Oh well, laugh all you want, 'cause this lonesome loser had a blast!!!!

I shopped all day, checked into my hotel and popped my 1/2 bottle of champagne. Perfect for the solo traveler. My dinner reservations were at Ruth's Chris, which was attached to my hotel. You know, dining solo sure does have its advantages. Another lonesome loser sitting at the bar, sent me over a glass of wine. After seeing those outrageous prices, I gladly thanked him for my $16 glass of Molly Dooker.

AAAAAAHHHHHH then the show. Yes, I was in the minority seeing that I was not yet a member of the blue hair club. But lemme tell ya, Kenny G's music gets those old folks' hormones flowin' just like the spring chickens. The senior citizens sitting next to me were rubbing each other's thighs and kissing like a couple of teenagers. Guess that old codger took his Viagra before the show!!!

I must say I'm used to seeing some rockers in concert where you have to claw and fight your way to get a beer. So at intermission, I went out to refill my wine glass. There was a guy standing there with a huge ass sign that read, "The Line Starts Here". I dutifully follow directions only to find out that was the bathroom line. I guess the Depends undergarments on most of those folks only hold up for the first act.  There ain't no one standing in line for alcohol at the Kenny G concert. Imagine that!!!!!

Yea, I'm thinking this lonesome loser got the last laugh 'cause I HAVE to be the only person on the face of this earth who EVAH woke up with a whopping hangover after a Kenny G concert. Now that's something to be damn proud of!!!!!