Monday, December 24, 2012

Ho Ho Ho Hobo

Here's an oldie, but goodie, to get ya in the holiday spirit:
I got some bad news for ya folks. Some REAL BAD news!!!!!! Santa ain't comin' to town. It seems jolly old St. Nick has fallen on some hard times. As you can see, his cheeks don't have that rosy glow anymore, and he's lost quite a bit of weight. My son Conner and I chased him down on his bicycle at this gas station where he was buyin' some smokes.

Yea, Santa came to Wilmington back in the summer for vacation and that is where things turned ugly. Mrs. Claus done left him for a horny elf, and none of the reindeer could stand the damn heat and humidity, so they flew on back north leavin' him high and dry without a sleigh. The Mrs. cleaned out their life savings, and from what I hear, she and the elf are shackin' up somewhere in Cabo.

And that sweet pad he used to have up at The North Pole? That went into foreclosure and he now lives in this dilapidated truck behind a dry cleaners in Wilmington. I'm quite sure most of his meals come from the dumpster belonging to the restaurant next door. He no longer has children sit in his lap telling him their Christmas wishes. Instead, he sits in that chair and asks for handouts.

So my advice to all of you who want your Kindle Fires, IPads, iPhone5's, etc., ya better get yourself a sugar daddy or sugar momma real damn quick 'cause the old fat man ain't comin' down your chimney this year. However, if you are in the market for a velvet Elvis, a singin' fish (batteries not included) or an old can of Crisco, you can buy that right outta the back of Santa's truck. The deals are freakin' AMAZING!!!!!!


  1. That's hilarious. I wonder if he has any trunk organizers. That is seriously is the #1 thing on my Lady Friend's list this year.


  2. Poor Santa. He never stood a chance against those horny elves. You know, it's not just their shoes that are long and curled. Really hits Mrs. Claus's spot. Yeah, that's right, I went there. Merry Christmas!

  3. of course Santa isn't coming to town, he's over at my place :)

  4. Looks like the kiddos need to put protective paper down on his lap before they sit. Not sure where he's been.

    Hilariously funny as always!