Here's an oldie, but goodie, to get ya in the holiday spirit:
Yea, Santa came to Wilmington back in the summer for vacation and that is where things turned ugly. Mrs. Claus done left him for a horny elf, and none of the reindeer could stand the damn heat and humidity, so they flew on back north leavin' him high and dry without a sleigh. The Mrs. cleaned out their life savings, and from what I hear, she and the elf are shackin' up somewhere in Cabo.
And that sweet pad he used to have up at The North Pole? That went into foreclosure and he now lives in this dilapidated truck behind a dry cleaners in Wilmington. I'm quite sure most of his meals come from the dumpster belonging to the restaurant next door. He no longer has children sit in his lap telling him their Christmas wishes. Instead, he sits in that chair and asks for handouts.
So my advice to all of you who want your Kindle Fires, IPads, iPhone5's, etc., ya better get yourself a sugar daddy or sugar momma real damn quick 'cause the old fat man ain't comin' down your chimney this year. However, if you are in the market for a velvet Elvis, a singin' fish (batteries not included) or an old can of Crisco, you can buy that right outta the back of Santa's truck. The deals are freakin' AMAZING!!!!!!