Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Deb's Mission Impossible

YYYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKEEEESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! WWWWWWWHHHHOOOOOOAAAAAA SISTA!!!!!!!!! HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, SAY IT ISN'T SO, WTF???????? There you have it folks, I said what all of you were thinkin'.

Tom Cruise may have a blockbuster with Mission Impossible 4, but today was truly a mission impossible for me. This past week my personal hygiene has been lax to say the least. I had a mother f#@%er of a cold that kept me out of commission for most of the Christmas holiday. That meant if the shower graced my body, it was a monumental occasion. Good thing Santa comes in the middle of the night, 'cause if he saw me, his fat ass would have high tailed it up that chimney so damn fast that I wouldn't even have gotten a lump of coal in my stocking.

Anyway, today I had my 5 week hair appointment to cover my grey, (see my previous post grey needle in a brunette haystack), and NUTHIN' was gonna stop me from makin' that all important date. I actually slapped on a few swipes of makeup for the big event. When I walked in, I apologized to my hair stylist for the condition of my hair, which had not been brushed in over 24 hours. She looked at me ever so sweetly, and said, "I know you've been sick. Uh, do you think we need to cut your hair today"? I think that was her tactful way of sayin', "Honey, you need a MAJOR fu!@ing overhaul"

My dear, southern' stylist started workin' her magic. Now I'm keepin' it real for all you guys reading this. If any of your significant others get their hair highlighted or colored, they look EXACTLY like I do in that picture. They are just too damn embarrassed to tell you. But there are advantages to having those foils on your head. You can actually communicate with aliens. Several years ago I was abducted while having those foils on my head, and I'm here to tell you there IS life on other planets.

You can also have really cool conversations with people who are rumored to have gone to the great beyond. Today for instance, my foils picked up a titillating conversation between Elvis and Marilyn Monroe, and I had to twist my foils the other way because the X-Rated things they were talking about were just a tad too racy for my sensitive ears.

TA DA, 4 hours later and the mission is complete. Damn, I wonder if Elvis made it to home plate...........