For many years I've been privileged to attend my friend Lisa's Christmas ornament exchange the first weekend in December. The cast of players changes from year to year, but there are a few old stand-bys. The things that never change are the amazing food, the copious amount of laughter and the champagne glasses that never seem to be empty.
About four years ago, my good friend Dirty DI-AAAA-NA! and I decided to rig this ornament exchange to our advantage so we could take the good shit home for ourselves. Everyone draws numbers and you start opening a new wrapped ornament or stealing someone else's. After two steals, the ornament is "retired" and no one can steal it again, except for the lucky person who picked # 1.
As always, some ornaments are cute, some funky, some traditional, some downright hideous and cheap. Well early on in the game Dirty DI-AAAA-NA! and I peg the ornaments we each want for ourselves and we start rigging the deal so we can be sure to go home WINNAHS! I'm proud to say we have never failed and no one has caught on to our dirty little scheme.
Yesterday was no exception. Dirty DI-AAAA-NA! wanted the huge martini glass ornament and the matching wine stopper designed with a woman's sexy legs and floppy boobs. I wanted the ornaments pictured below. Dirty DI-AAAA-NA's ornament was stolen once, but as luck would have it, when my turn came around, I stole it, and whammo it was now retired. Dirty DI-AAAA-NA! was up next and she had everyone "expose themselves", or lay out their ornaments, because some bitch was hiding the ones that I wanted and trying to keep them off the market. AH HAH, my partner in crime found them, and I coyly said, "Oh those look good." My partner was pickin' up what I was puttin' down. Now all we had to worry about was the lucky person who drew the #1 card because she could steal anything. But that person was our friend Heather, and she's got our back. She ain't messin' up our slimy deal. She would help us clean up the blood if necessary.
When it was all said and done, I had the ornaments Dirty DI-AAAA-NA! wanted and vise versa. We pulled the old switcheroo when no one was looking and toasted each other to another successful coup.