Monday, September 19, 2016

Redneck Red Carpet Recap

The Emmys were last night folks, and even though I couldn't watch the actual show 'cause I would rather poke a stick in my eye than see the ultra annoying Jimmy Kimmel, I did check out the stars arriving on the red carpet. My award for the most grounded, least entitled, and enthusiastic of all invitees goes to the child actors of Stranger Things. Wow, they were most impressive in their interview. Now on to the fun shall we.
Tracee Ellis Ross is a vision in white.
I see how Mandy Moore started to peel the layers of her dress away like an orange.
Jil Soloway channeling her best David Arquette.
She dropped 'em red in this number!
DANG let's hope Kristen Bell didn't get Lost in the Garden of Eden.
Leave it to Kerry Washington to make pregnancy look stylish and sleek.
There should be lemon laws against this.
So sad that Sarah Paulson had to wear pond scum. But, she did win the Emmy for prosecuting that scum OJ Simpson so it ain't all bad.
Sarah Hyland looks like a live version of a cocktail table.
If I wore this, I would be pissed too!
 
 
Images: Here and Here 
 
 


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Taco Tuesday Theory

It's Tuesday, and it's dinner time, and that means Taco Tuesday right? Very true, but it's also time to test out a little theory that's been eatin' at me for quite awhile. Do tacos have a direct correlation to sex? Maybe y'all can put on a sombrero, pour yourself a margarita, and help a girl out by taking the test and letting me know.
 
So here's the thing. In my most unscientific method, I asked a bunch of men and women if they preferred hard or soft tacos. The results were overwhelming. Guys like 'em soft and chicks dig the hard ones. And just in case someone thinks I'm not bein' PC, yes, I did include gay and straight folks in my unofficial survey. 
 
Women apparently realize length is not what matters in their taco. Just look at how thick that hard shell is stuffed! Girth is where it's at baby!
Guys on the other hand stuff their meat into a soft shell wrap and like it all nice and tight.
And what does it say about someone who enjoys eating those hard and soft shell combinations?

Y'all see the connection here right? I can't believe Taco Hell and Chipotle haven't picked up on this idea yet. The marketing companies could have a fiesta with this. Sex sells! Now someone just needs to test out whether folks who prefer spicy sauce are chandelier swingin' wild and crazy in the bedroom, while those who like mild sauce are Saturday night missionary style only.

Dang, now it's Taco Tuesday and I'm hungry and horny. OLE.

Images via Google Images

 
 
 



Friday, August 19, 2016

Ryan Lochte Rap


I seriously tried for hours to make a rap video, but I failed miserably. My family members (bless their heart) tried in vain to help, but I was hopeless 'cause white chicks simply can't rap. Apparently I can write lyrics, but I can't spit 'em. However, you can use your imagination and put these lyrics to Vanilla Ice's "Ice, Ice Baby."

Stop, Collaborate and Listen
Ryan Lochte in the bathroom pissin'
A security guard he be dissin'
All his medals he might be missin'
 
Ryan with your hair so white
Word on the street you got in a fight
Not with muggers as you claim
But with yourself, what a shame
 
Lies, Lies, Baby
Lies, Lies, Baby
 
Ain't no doubt when you in dat pool
You a winnah and you really rule
But you makin' up stories and that ain't cool
'Cause now you look like a big ol' tool
 
Come on dude whatcha be thinkin'?
You lose your morals after a night of drinkin'?
There ain't no shame in gettin' drunk
But that don't mean you can act like a punk
 
Lie, Lies, Baby
Lies, Lies, Baby
 
You represent America in this Olympic game
Instead of glory you bring home shame
You won those medals made of gold
Now you in trouble 'cause of the lies you told
 
You lied to your mother!!!


Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Trumped by the Crowd

Hey folks, if you ever have the opportunity to attend a presidential political rally, one thang is for sure, it ain't boring! Despite your personal beliefs, you can have a great time no matter if you are on the left, right, or some where in the middle. Yesterday, Donald Trump visited little ol' Wilmington, NC. Even though my friends and I had tickets, the fire marshal denied entry to us and about a thousand others 'cause the joint was too packed. Not to worry, 'cause we had a blast outside and made the most of the situation.

Here's my top 10 reasons why you should attend a political rally:
1. The entertainment is free.
2. You meet some nice and interesting people while standing in line for hours.
3. Suddenly you appreciate having friends and supporters in this world. No one wants to stand alone.
4. When you realize you are as orange as The Donald ya know ya gotta start makin' some changes!
5. Ya gotta respect the creativity of the protestors.
6. Friends on the inside with a bird's eye view will hook you up with pics.
7. If you are real lucky, you might spot Clark Kent in the crowd.
8. The enthusiasm of our youth is encouraging.
9. You can get excellent photo ops of all VIP's at the exits.
10. Standing outside in 100% humidity for over 3 hours allows you to fit into your skinniest jeans for at least 2 days without having to do a nasty cleanse.
 
 
Photo credits to Sue Gallagher and Preston Lennon.
 
 

 






 
 


Friday, August 5, 2016

New Venture


Ok folks, I know I've been a lazy blogger and you prolly think I've been loungin' on a yacht in the south of France. Obviously I have in my dreams. But in reality I have been havin' so much fun over at my new Deb Church FaceBook author page. I never thought I would do it, but I have been posting videos of all sorts of things from Pok√©mon Go, The Bachelorette, a Bug Zapper, to my favorite college football team WVU. If you are an old timer like me, and actually use FaceBook, you can click on the FaceBook icon on the margin of my blog which will take you to my new page.

Anywho, I am gonna try to blog about twice a month, while I get my author page crankin'. Ya know when ya feel somethin' ya just gotta go with it. This is what I'm feelin' right now. Hope to see ya there 'cause my mind is workin' overtime on some crazy ass video ideas! Who knows, maybe a Youtube channel is in my future?

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Time Flies When You're Havin' Fun


The Big 3-0. Dirty Thirty. Either way you look at it, it's a long time to be married, and somethin' to be damn proud of these days. I seriously don't know where the time went, but I know I had a whole lotta fun along the way. Ya know, even on our wedding night, we laughed so much about all the crazy shenanigans that happened at the ceremony and reception. And, our lives have been filled with laughter ever since, even under trying circumstances. So, when people ask me about the secret to a successful marriage, the first thing I think of is sharing a sense of humor with your partner.
On Saturday evening, Uncle Jeffy's fabulous team of coworkers hosted a special night for him to celebrate his 20th year in medical practice. How about this hilarious key lime pie? In case you can't read it, it says, "30 years wedded bliss/20 years classy tits." Gotta love those plastic surgery jokes!

Since today is such a milestone anniversary, we are crackin' open a special bottle of wine tonight, as opposed to our usual bottle of grocery store crap. Then maybe, just maybe, we should start thinkin' of replacing this outdoor table as a present to each other:


Friday, July 29, 2016

Feel Good Friday

The hazards of not securing a watermelon in the hatch of your car while unloading groceries. At least it was easy to slice for dinnah!