Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Bye Bye Blogging Buddies

It's been over 2 years and 467 posts since I started this gig.
That fact alone makes me want to do a little jig.
But as they say, all good things must come to an end.
So it's time for this weird and wacky blog to follow that trend.
Yes folks this is my final swan song.
I'll spare ya a pic of a giant schlong.
It was my goal to provide you with joy and laughter at my place.
At the very least to put a smile on your face.
I know my humor is too warped for some.
But that is still better than being gloomy and glum.
As we start off the New Year
I'm bustin' out home renovations in high gear. 
Just look at this shit on my bathroom wall.
Whoever did that had some kinda gall!
After 20 years, 2 boys and a dog, the carpet has got to go!
Lemme tell ya, my house ain't never gonna be on show. 
Sadly I don't have time to read and write anymore.
'Cause my lame brain can only handle one kinda chore.
Plus all my spare time is gonna be spent playin' Mother hen.
In a few short months my oldest is leavin' the den :(
I will miss all of the amazing friends I met along the way.
You made me feel special each and every day!
All of you faithful readers, I hold you in my heart so dear.
Your love, support and friendship became very clear.
I wish for you, all you dream of and more.
All the best in twenty, one, four!

Friday, December 27, 2013

Christmas Crap

OK folks, what do you do with that tacky, piece of crap you opened from your Great Aunt Gertrude? Instead of putting it into the Goodwill pile collecting dust until your lazy ass gets around to loadin' up that junk and makin' the run to your local drop off point, why not have a PAR-TAY? I have been havin' a Christmas Crap party for about 10 years where I invite my friends to come and bring the shit they received for Christmas and we all exchange. One gal's trash is certainly another gal's treasure. The stories you hear about who gave who what, and where so and so got this or that is truly a hoot! There is not a dry panty in the house at this soiree!!!
This was my all time favorite crapilicious prize I received several years ago. I had to cat fight for this bad boy, but that bitch knew if she ever wanted to be invited back again she better wave the white flag and give up Santa to the hostess. A little jingle when ya go tinkle just makes my day!! Through the years there were many other craptastic items like meatloaf pans, nose hair trimmers, white zinfandel, ugly picture frames, Land of the Lost videos, and Dolly Parton CD's that the chicks have fought over. I can't wait to see what hot ticket items were unwrapped this year. Of course no long term theme party would be the same without mascots. These gems were actual gifts that were received by seasoned Christmas Crappers, but are now Hall of Fame Christmas Crap Mascots:
Aren't they craptacular?

Friday, December 20, 2013

Elf Gone Bad

Folks I send y'all my deepest apologies for not postin' any pics this holiday season of my Elf on the Shelf performin' all of his silly shenanigans, but it seems that little fella has been kinda tied up lately. I always thought of him as a bit restrained, but I gotta tell ya, when he's not tied down to any particular lady Elf, that dude is quite unrestrained indeed. Yeppers, it appears my Elf found this handy dandy birthday present my friend Heather gave me and has become untied:
Honestly I thought I've seen it all until this mornin' when I woke up, found him hog tied, butt in the air with a candy cane shoved up........ whew the thought of it just leaves me tongue tied. Anyhoo, there is no reason to use restraint any longer with those G rated Elfs for the kiddie poos 'cause there is somethin' much bettah on the market for adults only:
I got a feelin' this gal is a gold medal winnah in the use of Sportsheets! Elfie and his new Ho, Ho, Ho might be bonded together until well after the New Year.

P.S. Heather and Chris, I hope you can appreciate my twisted and sick humor on your contributions to this post.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Christmas Card Time

If you haven't had time to pose for your annual holiday photo yet, not to worry 'cause I'm here to give ya some clever ideas for you and your loved ones. There's still plenty of time to rush to Walmart and get 'em printed.
 Man in drag, woman, preggers or just robust?
What is Santa doing with his other hand 'cause Mom seems to like it?
The tank top and Mom jeans that span generations.
I hope Santa brings Dad a razor to shave off his porn star stash.
Mom is more like a devil for puttin' her man in a diaper for all their friends to see.
Who put that doggie in the oven?
I'm stumped!
Images: Here